Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone had a blessed and happy Christmas - I know I/we did! It was a lovely and quiet day. We opened our gifts to each other, followed by a trip to B's parents to do gifts with them and visit to his grandma. Then we went to my parents house to do gifts with them, and visited with my granparents. Afterwards, we came home and I cooked our Christmas dinner, which turned out really well. It was a little odd b/c it felt so quiet, and I told B that. He said he figured it was probably b/c we spent Christmas Eve with his family (about 20-30 people). I think it was probably a little bit of that, but it was more like a quiet, somethings missing type of feeling...and I thought to myself how different it would be if we had little ones around. For the first time though, I didn't get depressed about it, which may have something to do with a decision I made (with B's input of course), which I'll talk more about later in a different post.

Tough Week

In the past six months, we have learned of atleast 9 couples that are expecting their first bundle of joy (well, two are expecting their second). The hardest was learning about my sister, and then this past week I noticed some girls at church as starting to show (I used to go to school with them, but we don't talk much anymore). During Thanksgiving weekend,we learned that a girl from DH's church (who's still in high school, btw) is pregnant (she's 17). And a couple days ago we found out one of our best friends is expecting her second (she had been trying for over a year). It just seems like BAM! Everyone got a bottle of preggo water except me!

It's like a huge flashing sign telling me I screwed up this cycle. For the first time ever since coming off the Depo (not really sure if it was the first time all together, given that I could O sporadically), I ovulated, and couldn't see the signs. I knew in my heart it was a possiblity, but thinking that it was so incredibly unlikely, I didn't initiate anything. And the day went on by, and here we are, seeing our best friends and family start their families, and we're still here on the starting line. Billy tries to cheer me up, but I can't help but feel like I let us down. I should've known better. If I do ovulate again, it won't be until Feb./March, and in March we start Clomid. Just sucks a bit...